1) Fluxus is an attitude. It is not a movement or a style.
2) Fluxus is intermedia. Its creators like to see what heppens when different media intersect. They use found and everyday objects, sounds, images and texts to create new combinations of objects, sounds, images and texts.
3) Its works are simple. The art is small, the texts are short, and the performances are brief.
4) Fluxus is fun. Humor is always an important element.
~Fluxus, Wikipedia
More information on Fluxus.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
A couple films by Yoko Ono
Yoko Ono's film "Fly" provided an incredible amount of food for thought. We spoke of the element of eroticism within the film, and while my own reading of the film differs slightly, the human body plays an integral part in my own trajectory of thought in reference the piece. I feel that the body was presented as a landscape. The incredibly close footage of the fly exploring/invading body establishes the body as its own space with its own unique topography. Every curve and crevice becomes new and unfamiliar territory, and Ono's sound design seems to separate the viewer from his own understanding of the body and places his experience within the perceptional limits of the fly. Then, near the end of the film, as the camera moves further from the human body, the body is presented as an object within a space, revealing life and objects in space on an almost fractal level. When the camera is incredibly close to the human body, it is apparently inhabited/invaded/saturated with life,and when the camera moves away revealing the bleak architecture of the L.E.S., Ono seems to acknowledge that the human body, too, is an inhabitant, an invader, a tiny cross section of a greater living organism.
Fly
"Rape" really was one of the most uncomfortable films I've ever seen. Beyond the fact that the filmmakers aggressively stalked this woman, broke into her home, and incarcerated her within her own room, effectively traumatizing her, playing on her perception of the situation, and exploiting her apparent ability to communicate with them (due in part to her inability to speak English as well as their refusal to even speak to her), I was forced to question how I would react to such a situation and evaluate my own perception of surveillance and the role of media in my own life. I wonder if maybe the ideas behind the film are a little dated. When the piece was shot, there were a number of anxieties expressed through the arts, anxieties that stem from postmodern paranoia and disillusionment, from fear of technology and its potential power for destruction and absolute law. Now, in the digital age, we can expect to be observed, followed, even. Digital media has also broadened cultural understanding to the point where I have to question whether or not the woman's inability to communicate would be as profound a problem today. Granted, the filmmakers went beyond the point where her inability to communicate is the biggest problem, and their actions were an incredible breach of territory and privacy. However, in a time when 24 hour surveillance and streaming user-based media, I wonder whether the anxieties that John Lennon and Yoko Ono wished to convey are as strong as they were half a century ago or if they have proven to be prophetic visions of a hyper-real present.
Rape
Streaming media available at ubu.com
Fly
"Rape" really was one of the most uncomfortable films I've ever seen. Beyond the fact that the filmmakers aggressively stalked this woman, broke into her home, and incarcerated her within her own room, effectively traumatizing her, playing on her perception of the situation, and exploiting her apparent ability to communicate with them (due in part to her inability to speak English as well as their refusal to even speak to her), I was forced to question how I would react to such a situation and evaluate my own perception of surveillance and the role of media in my own life. I wonder if maybe the ideas behind the film are a little dated. When the piece was shot, there were a number of anxieties expressed through the arts, anxieties that stem from postmodern paranoia and disillusionment, from fear of technology and its potential power for destruction and absolute law. Now, in the digital age, we can expect to be observed, followed, even. Digital media has also broadened cultural understanding to the point where I have to question whether or not the woman's inability to communicate would be as profound a problem today. Granted, the filmmakers went beyond the point where her inability to communicate is the biggest problem, and their actions were an incredible breach of territory and privacy. However, in a time when 24 hour surveillance and streaming user-based media, I wonder whether the anxieties that John Lennon and Yoko Ono wished to convey are as strong as they were half a century ago or if they have proven to be prophetic visions of a hyper-real present.
Rape
Streaming media available at ubu.com
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
On Ken Perlin
Ken Perlin is a fascinating person. On the one hand, he's a genius. He's created the noise-turbulence technique for which he won an academy award. And early on, he recognized the potential in the spatial qualities of computer programming. Noise-turbulence is a little beyond me. The complex mathematics behind the technique prove to be a language that I no longer speak. But the fact that he has learned to use this language as a tool of expression is just beautiful.
PAD is interesting to me. Partially because it begins to realize the spatial qualities of computer programming. Mostly because the spatial qualities are not fully realized. PAD is a program that allows the user to zoom in or out as far as s/he pleases, a function that affords the user the ability to include an insane amount of detail. The ability to zoom in establishes the interface as a three dimensional one...sort of. The part that gets me is that while the interface appears to be three dimensional, the user is still not allowed to place objects and information behind one another. The program isn't quite complete (in my head).
But Perlin seems like a really cool guy. His blog isn't just filled with science and math. It's full of poetry and memory and speculation. It's human. He's human. Maybe that's what I'm so intrigued by. His thoughts are similar to my own. We're asking similar questions. He may come to different conclusions, but in a way, it connects us.
I just wish I was capable of expressing my conclusions in his language. Math and science are so definite. So concrete. But visual arts...Sometimes I have a really difficult time expressing the thought process behind my work. I try not to be too vague and abstract. But sometimes what I feel and think isn't concrete enough for numbers or words.
I feel like I'm from Saturn.
PAD is interesting to me. Partially because it begins to realize the spatial qualities of computer programming. Mostly because the spatial qualities are not fully realized. PAD is a program that allows the user to zoom in or out as far as s/he pleases, a function that affords the user the ability to include an insane amount of detail. The ability to zoom in establishes the interface as a three dimensional one...sort of. The part that gets me is that while the interface appears to be three dimensional, the user is still not allowed to place objects and information behind one another. The program isn't quite complete (in my head).
But Perlin seems like a really cool guy. His blog isn't just filled with science and math. It's full of poetry and memory and speculation. It's human. He's human. Maybe that's what I'm so intrigued by. His thoughts are similar to my own. We're asking similar questions. He may come to different conclusions, but in a way, it connects us.
I just wish I was capable of expressing my conclusions in his language. Math and science are so definite. So concrete. But visual arts...Sometimes I have a really difficult time expressing the thought process behind my work. I try not to be too vague and abstract. But sometimes what I feel and think isn't concrete enough for numbers or words.
I feel like I'm from Saturn.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Paranormal Activity
Ok, so aside from the fact that I really wanna see this movie, I think the consumer based distribution system is brilliant. I don't think this model would work for everything, but to build up hype around a movie and then suggest that potential audience members demand the movie be screened where they live not only ensures that the movie won't be screened to a dead theater, but also implements a certain amount of interactivity. Instead of a lineup of films that's fed to you at the box office whether you like it or not, this model guarantees a list of films that the audience members of any given area want to see.
Coooooooool stuff!
Coooooooool stuff!
Steampunk Month
Is this why I'm starting to see steampunks everywhere. Since this aesthetic/way of life was brought up in class, I've been seeing it everywhere. On the street, in bars, at art and media events. I thought at first that it was one of those things that I just hadn't noticed until it was mentioned, and now that I know about it, I'm seeing it everywhere. But if October is a month devoted to steampunk, then I guess I feel a little less insane.
Augmented Earth
I think I'm one of those people who isn't really thrown off by surveillance. I know I'm on video. I know there are hundreds of photos of me on the internet. It doesn't really bother me. I'm not trying to be president. And if someone IS trying to be president, then maybe they shouldn't be doing things that they really don't want caught on camera. Surveillance is not the issue here. Yes, everyone has the right to privacy, but nothing you do in public (save maybe going to the restroom and changing in a dressing room) is really all that private. The issue here is how the government uses this technology.
This is what terrifies ME.
Look at their logo!!!!! What the fuck?! Is that the All Seeing Eye?!
Terrifying.
This is what terrifies ME.
Look at their logo!!!!! What the fuck?! Is that the All Seeing Eye?!
Terrifying.
Photosketch
My fascination with this program goes hand in hand with my thoughts on the font software. It's pretty cool that you can draw in a really general shape to go with the object you intend to portray, and the program will go through ALL of the photos available to find the best match.
When we spoke in class about it, there seemed to be a lot of concern about the idea that Photoshopped images are starting to look more authentic. Though I'm not really sure why this should come as such a surprise. Most of the complaints about Photoshop have to do with the fact that if a pic isn't authentic, it shows. So why would engineers NOT address this issue? But Autumn did mention that her job as a graphic designer might be at stake. And while I tend to agree that new software changes the landscape of certain jobs, it doesn't necessarily destroy them. Maybe instead of being immediately rejected, the software should be embraced, used as a tool that would effectively open up other opportunities within the graphic design field.
When we spoke in class about it, there seemed to be a lot of concern about the idea that Photoshopped images are starting to look more authentic. Though I'm not really sure why this should come as such a surprise. Most of the complaints about Photoshop have to do with the fact that if a pic isn't authentic, it shows. So why would engineers NOT address this issue? But Autumn did mention that her job as a graphic designer might be at stake. And while I tend to agree that new software changes the landscape of certain jobs, it doesn't necessarily destroy them. Maybe instead of being immediately rejected, the software should be embraced, used as a tool that would effectively open up other opportunities within the graphic design field.
Create Your Own Font
I'm not entirely sure what to say about this development. I do think it's pretty cool, but I'm not sure that it's the kind of thing that I personally would invest a lot of time in. I do think it's awesome how quickly we are learning to create technology that recognizes. It's fascinating that while the best way to go about making your own font is to use a scanner, it isn't entirely necessary, and the idea that you can just take a picture of the paper and the software will still operate kind of blows my mind.
On "'Happenings' in the New York Scene" by Kaprow
-Interactivity in art
-"Some of us will probably become famous. It will be an ironic fame fashioned largely by those who have never see our work."
-Desire to break down distinctions between creator and audience
-How does one model of interactive performance compare to another?
--Kaprow - creation of new experience and type of attention
-Work threatened to overflow and even wash away the boundaries between disciplines that the "total forms" (such as opera) subsumed and reinforced
I think happenings are where it's at. I listened to this interview with Ivanka Trump, and she mentioned that she is an opera fan but that she prefers traditional opera over opera that stems from more progressive thinking because traditional opera is "classic." The "total forms" set up conventions and this idea of classicism that can actually inhibit the artists working within those boundaries. It's one thing to impose restrictions on your own work or even to work within the restrictions that another artist sets up, but to strictly work within the bounds of a form to maintain its purity seems only limiting. Why not allow disciplines to merge and overlap? Combination and experimentation of forms and disciplines and aesthetics and THOUGHTS can lead to unbelievably beautiful things, and it seems pointless to maintain the boundaries that we set up for ourselves.
I feel like now might be a good opportunity to plug the happening that I'm curating in May. Many of the ideas that I'm working with are actually very relevant to the stuff we talk about in class, and I think that maybe some of you might be interested in participating.
One of the first articles we read mentioned that much of the technology available to us today, the interactivity, the spatial quality of it, etc. can be traced back to some of the happenings that were occurring in the 60s, to work that expressed a desire for interconnectedness and total understanding.
Now, I'm looking to create a happening that is actually derived from that technology in ideology and in practice. Here, we have the ability to learn and understand the people and events around us, and as many have expressed, it actually seems to have separated us from the world around us. We have a library of human knowledge available to us, and yet, look at how it seems to be affecting actual human interaction. The anonymity that the internet affords us has made us brave enough to express anything we want, and yet much of what we say and do online is rarely reflected in any physical realm.
So I want to emulate an online experience. No, this event will not involve a library of human knowledge, but it WILL involve people from several walks of life who, if you can bring yourself to just talk to them about something, could potentially teach you something. And to further emulate the online aesthetic, the performers I'm working with WILL not be presented in a linear fashion. Several things will be happening at once, and it will be up to the viewer to decide what s/he wants to experience. Most of the performances will involve the use of computers. There will be video art, DJ sets, improvised electronic soundscapes, dance, jazz, avant garde cirque performances, and a number of characters who may or may not be acting, characters who, at the very least, will have everyone talking about them by the end of the night.
Mind you, this project is still a work in process, but it's something that I'm putting a lot of time and energy into right now, and I want to know if anyone is interested in being involved. We're looking at some pretty large venues right now, so we're planning on having a lot of space to fill.
Here are some of the people I'm currently collaborating with:
Mic & ike
Shoulder Pads
Anima Anonima
Modern Gypsies
Among others. So if you're interested in getting involved, let me know, and we'll talk about it in person.
-"Some of us will probably become famous. It will be an ironic fame fashioned largely by those who have never see our work."
-Desire to break down distinctions between creator and audience
-How does one model of interactive performance compare to another?
--Kaprow - creation of new experience and type of attention
-Work threatened to overflow and even wash away the boundaries between disciplines that the "total forms" (such as opera) subsumed and reinforced
I think happenings are where it's at. I listened to this interview with Ivanka Trump, and she mentioned that she is an opera fan but that she prefers traditional opera over opera that stems from more progressive thinking because traditional opera is "classic." The "total forms" set up conventions and this idea of classicism that can actually inhibit the artists working within those boundaries. It's one thing to impose restrictions on your own work or even to work within the restrictions that another artist sets up, but to strictly work within the bounds of a form to maintain its purity seems only limiting. Why not allow disciplines to merge and overlap? Combination and experimentation of forms and disciplines and aesthetics and THOUGHTS can lead to unbelievably beautiful things, and it seems pointless to maintain the boundaries that we set up for ourselves.
I feel like now might be a good opportunity to plug the happening that I'm curating in May. Many of the ideas that I'm working with are actually very relevant to the stuff we talk about in class, and I think that maybe some of you might be interested in participating.
One of the first articles we read mentioned that much of the technology available to us today, the interactivity, the spatial quality of it, etc. can be traced back to some of the happenings that were occurring in the 60s, to work that expressed a desire for interconnectedness and total understanding.
Now, I'm looking to create a happening that is actually derived from that technology in ideology and in practice. Here, we have the ability to learn and understand the people and events around us, and as many have expressed, it actually seems to have separated us from the world around us. We have a library of human knowledge available to us, and yet, look at how it seems to be affecting actual human interaction. The anonymity that the internet affords us has made us brave enough to express anything we want, and yet much of what we say and do online is rarely reflected in any physical realm.
So I want to emulate an online experience. No, this event will not involve a library of human knowledge, but it WILL involve people from several walks of life who, if you can bring yourself to just talk to them about something, could potentially teach you something. And to further emulate the online aesthetic, the performers I'm working with WILL not be presented in a linear fashion. Several things will be happening at once, and it will be up to the viewer to decide what s/he wants to experience. Most of the performances will involve the use of computers. There will be video art, DJ sets, improvised electronic soundscapes, dance, jazz, avant garde cirque performances, and a number of characters who may or may not be acting, characters who, at the very least, will have everyone talking about them by the end of the night.
Mind you, this project is still a work in process, but it's something that I'm putting a lot of time and energy into right now, and I want to know if anyone is interested in being involved. We're looking at some pretty large venues right now, so we're planning on having a lot of space to fill.
Here are some of the people I'm currently collaborating with:
Mic & ike
Shoulder Pads
Anima Anonima
Modern Gypsies
Among others. So if you're interested in getting involved, let me know, and we'll talk about it in person.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Something Cool
Note: This article is not new, but i think it's pretty interesting.
Reality Sandwich | Meeting in the Dream World: Oneironauticum
Source: realitysandwich.com
Image by Allegra Ricci
***On the last Saturday of the month, Oneironauticum participants enter dream space together. We do this by sharing things that induce vivid dreams – often substances but sometimes practices or sensory triggers.***
I think it's really awesome that the goal is not necessarily to achieve anything but to experience dreamspace collectively. There's a lot to be said about the collective experience and collective existence. There are things we do that we consider private or personal, things that are often characteristic of everyone around us. Most everyone fucks. Everyone shits. Everyone dreams.
And people participate in orgies. Public restrooms are easily accessible. Why not tap into dreams as a unified experience?
Anyway, here are the people who do this regularly. They operate out of San Fransisco. And I think it would be really cool if there was something like this in NYC if anyone would be interested in starting it with me.
Reality Sandwich | Meeting in the Dream World: Oneironauticum
Source: realitysandwich.com
Image by Allegra Ricci
***On the last Saturday of the month, Oneironauticum participants enter dream space together. We do this by sharing things that induce vivid dreams – often substances but sometimes practices or sensory triggers.***
I think it's really awesome that the goal is not necessarily to achieve anything but to experience dreamspace collectively. There's a lot to be said about the collective experience and collective existence. There are things we do that we consider private or personal, things that are often characteristic of everyone around us. Most everyone fucks. Everyone shits. Everyone dreams.
And people participate in orgies. Public restrooms are easily accessible. Why not tap into dreams as a unified experience?
Anyway, here are the people who do this regularly. They operate out of San Fransisco. And I think it would be really cool if there was something like this in NYC if anyone would be interested in starting it with me.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
On Licklider and "Man-Computer Symbiosis"
-Licklider redirected ARPA funding from companies to Universities.
->Broad benefit.
->established the iron triangle of technology in industry, academia, and the military.
-1962: memo to "Members and Affiliates of the Intergalactic Computer Network" encouraged universities to link their computers.
->the INTERNET!!!
-"In a few years, men will be able to communicate more effectively through a machine than face to face."
->against communication as one-way process between sender and receiver
->cyber romance?
->will "to be online" be a privilege or a right?
->speech and handwriting recognition
-Need: for a quick access to computing to aid in decision-making.
What's interesting to me here is the notion of symbiosis. Note that most of the definitions involve plants or people or groups of people. The definition typically implies life. Life and a mutually dependent relationship. How do we benefit from the relation ship? Well, here, we have a tool that aids us in communication, learning, decision-making, and military purposes. But how does the machine benefit? We maintain these systems we create, yes. But is that enough to say that the machine benefits? Does existence hold any meaning for the objects that we fabricate for ourselves? I mean, human beings grow marijuana for the sake of smoking it, effectively guaranteeing its continuation as a species. A relationship that is identifiably symbiotic. But does that idea of symbiosis apply to the inanimate objects we create? What about an idea? Can humanity be said to have a symbiotic relationship with the ideas we have on a collective level?
->Broad benefit.
->established the iron triangle of technology in industry, academia, and the military.
-1962: memo to "Members and Affiliates of the Intergalactic Computer Network" encouraged universities to link their computers.
->the INTERNET!!!
-"In a few years, men will be able to communicate more effectively through a machine than face to face."
->against communication as one-way process between sender and receiver
->cyber romance?
->will "to be online" be a privilege or a right?
->speech and handwriting recognition
-Need: for a quick access to computing to aid in decision-making.
What's interesting to me here is the notion of symbiosis. Note that most of the definitions involve plants or people or groups of people. The definition typically implies life. Life and a mutually dependent relationship. How do we benefit from the relation ship? Well, here, we have a tool that aids us in communication, learning, decision-making, and military purposes. But how does the machine benefit? We maintain these systems we create, yes. But is that enough to say that the machine benefits? Does existence hold any meaning for the objects that we fabricate for ourselves? I mean, human beings grow marijuana for the sake of smoking it, effectively guaranteeing its continuation as a species. A relationship that is identifiably symbiotic. But does that idea of symbiosis apply to the inanimate objects we create? What about an idea? Can humanity be said to have a symbiotic relationship with the ideas we have on a collective level?
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Augmented Reality
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b64_16K2e08&feature=player_embedded
Ok, so I'm pretty sure at this point that subconsciously (or maybe not), we are trying to turn ourselves into cyborgs. I imagine this is actually how we will perceive things in the future. (Or at least this is a prototype for the new perception) I imagine someday, I'll be able to simply look at something and know all about it. Though, as I see it, text won't be involved in the interface.
This is simultaneously wonderful and terrifying.
This actually reminds me of this story I've read. I don't have the book on my at the moment, but as soon as I find it, I'll be updating this post.
Project Natal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDvHlwNvXaM
I'm really interested in the complexity of the character with whom the woman is interacting here. I heard this theory once, in a philosophy class, that could essentially render the idea behind The Matrix a very real possibility. I don't remember every intricate detail of the theory, but basically, the argument was that if we had the desire to, we could potentially create a computer that operated with the intellectual and emotional complexity of a single human brain within the next ten to twenty years. Now, as the capabilities of technology increase exponentially as time passes, we could create a computer that operates at the level of billions of human brains, given enough time. And if we were to start creating computers that operated at that level of intellect and emotion, we would have no choice but to question whether or not we, ourselves, are nothing more than the inner workings of an incredibly complex computer.
So what interests me about this character is his ability to react to the woman based on her body language, her tone of voice, etc. and act accordingly. At what point do we know that the fictional characters we create are as complex as we are? If we can legitimately interact with this character, and he can truly make those judgements that the creators are claiming he can make, what separates him from us other than the limits of our own perception?
On Brain Scan Technology
I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, it helps the disabled become "more human." And for that purpose, it's absolutely incredible. On the other hand, this IS the beginning of cyborg technology. To link the human brain directly to a computer is a frightening prospect.
I imagine what could happen if the brain had a kind of iPhone function. Where one could think about anything and immediately begin navigating the internet without sitting down in front of a computer. Where it no longer takes anything more than desire and will power to know something. If we had the power to just think about something and know it (to download knowledge instantly), how would this affect the way we think, the way we speak, the way we interact? What would happen to literacy? Or language?
Of course, I couldn't help but consider the creative possibilities. Hook me up to a digital projector or a monitor, and let's see what I can do without my hands.
I imagine what could happen if the brain had a kind of iPhone function. Where one could think about anything and immediately begin navigating the internet without sitting down in front of a computer. Where it no longer takes anything more than desire and will power to know something. If we had the power to just think about something and know it (to download knowledge instantly), how would this affect the way we think, the way we speak, the way we interact? What would happen to literacy? Or language?
Of course, I couldn't help but consider the creative possibilities. Hook me up to a digital projector or a monitor, and let's see what I can do without my hands.
Water is Phenomenal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOAsjYgTK-8
made me think of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OklIm5a1Lc
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Rb_rDkwGnU
Of course the military gets to use this technology first. Of course.
Newest Obsessions
YouTube
Ryan Trecartin
*** Fucking phenomenal. If you check out more of his stuff on UBU, you'll find more of his work and, in some cases, that you can download some of his scripts. This stuff is nuts. The dialogue is mostly nonsense, but he manages to convey really complex ideas of violence, sexuality, and consumer culture among other things. A lot of his work voices anxieties that I feel characterize our generation. I saw this for the first time the other day and fell in love immediately.
He reminds me of Jack Smith...only digital.***
UBU
***
Black Dice
YouTube
Wikipedia
*** A friend of mine showed me this the other day. It makes me feel crazy. ***
On Borges' "The Garden of Forking Paths"
-Concept: a hypertext novel; one that can be read in a number of ways
-Based a theory of the universe around this concept
-Also deals with issues of race, war, espionage, ancestry, and the nature of academic discourse about history
-Borges's concept influenced author Julio Cortazar, who actually wrote a hypertext novel
"...everything happens to a man precisely, precisely now. Centuries of centuries and only in the present do things happen; countless men in the air, on the face of the earth and the sea, and all that really is happening is happening to me."
"I thought of a labyrinth of labytinths, of one sinuous spreading labyrinth that would encompass the past and the future and in some way involve the stars...I felt myself to be, for an unknown period of time, an abstract perceiver of the world."
I'm stuck. I see my future as a series of vague images, colors, laughing, an unclear sense of accomplishment. I'm not sure. How can one be? I heard once that the only things worth holding on to are memories. Though I don't really know that I could hold onto me memories if I tried. My memory curls and fades like smoke. I can't touch it, really. My own memory conflicts with the memories of others with whom I have shared experiences. How can that be trustworthy?
Don't get me wrong. This is not anxiety. I have no desire to escape the present. It has yet to cripple me. To weigh me down to the point of absolute indecision. But human consciousness is limited. Singular. "All that really is happening is happening to me." I believe many things. I know very little.
If I think about it long enough, I can't even be certain of the consciousness of the people around me. And I wonder sometimes if it's just a polite assumption.
-Based a theory of the universe around this concept
-Also deals with issues of race, war, espionage, ancestry, and the nature of academic discourse about history
-Borges's concept influenced author Julio Cortazar, who actually wrote a hypertext novel
"...everything happens to a man precisely, precisely now. Centuries of centuries and only in the present do things happen; countless men in the air, on the face of the earth and the sea, and all that really is happening is happening to me."
"I thought of a labyrinth of labytinths, of one sinuous spreading labyrinth that would encompass the past and the future and in some way involve the stars...I felt myself to be, for an unknown period of time, an abstract perceiver of the world."
I'm stuck. I see my future as a series of vague images, colors, laughing, an unclear sense of accomplishment. I'm not sure. How can one be? I heard once that the only things worth holding on to are memories. Though I don't really know that I could hold onto me memories if I tried. My memory curls and fades like smoke. I can't touch it, really. My own memory conflicts with the memories of others with whom I have shared experiences. How can that be trustworthy?
Don't get me wrong. This is not anxiety. I have no desire to escape the present. It has yet to cripple me. To weigh me down to the point of absolute indecision. But human consciousness is limited. Singular. "All that really is happening is happening to me." I believe many things. I know very little.
If I think about it long enough, I can't even be certain of the consciousness of the people around me. And I wonder sometimes if it's just a polite assumption.
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